You know you're a flight attendant if........
- You never unpack
- You look to the ceiling when your doorbell chimes
- You wish you had jet engines mounted in your bedroom so you could fall asleep faster
- You don't ever write a full city name (and it bugs your non-aviation friends): DTW MCO FCO BOM
- You get excited over certain types of ice
- You silently curse every Bose headset-wearing dude -- ("Yes, the electronic device announcement means you, sir.")
- You know how to look fresh in 5 day old clothes
- No matter how many times you clean out your suitcase you still find ancient hidden treasures in there
- You HATE boarding
- You LOVE deplaning
- You have figured out that turbulence is not caused by clouds but by the initial movement of all meal carts
- You can't believe that people let their babies and toddlers play on the floor of the aircraft cabin -- ewww, nasty
- You remember the passengers with great manners (that's sad)
- You can't remember when UM's actually became bigger than you
- You love foreigners because they can't adequately complain in English
- You have to turn your head when you see a passenger in stocking feet enter a lavatory
- You secretly cheer when another flight attendant has to deal with the medical emergency
- You HATE on board duty free
- You can't stand the frequent flyer who says "I fly more than you..." (yeah, right)
- You hate running into your passengers at your layover hotel
- Blankety-blank tray stackers!
- You hate when the heavy drinkers start flirting and calling you by name
- You long for the days when it was easy to rig the TV for free movies
- You want to smack the nail clipping -- finger nail polishing -- nose picking -- snoring passengers
- You want no passengers talking to you while you are non-revving
- Even when you are not working a flight, you travel in uniform for the liquids, creams and gels exemption
- If passengers can't find the flush to the toilet -- they should stay in there till they do!
- You wish you had a Health for Flight Crews to press that would announce, "No I don't have a pen"
- You are excited to find a can of different soda that is not supposed to be on your airline
- You could scream when people use an empty seat to change their baby's diaper, and don't even put a blanket underneath the little one -- worse yet, they ask if they can change the baby on the floor of the galley!
- You know a meaning for "crop-dusting" that has nothing to do with agriculture
- You cruise the aircraft after all the passengers have deplaned to find the discarded magazines and paperback novels before the cleaners get them
- You can spot the cover of a new crossword or sudoku book on an airport newsstand rack from 50 feet away
- You hate early morning departures -- Who in the hell HAS to fly at 6 AM?
- You wish every airline manager actually WAS a flight attendant at one point in their life (this goes double for flight attendant supervisors)
- You can't believe the senior F/A at your airline are in their 80's (doesn't matter what airline -- they all have them)
- You try not to go to the bathroom on the plane but you sure can catch a good nap in there
- You hate that passengers think they can hear you without taking off their headsets
- You are glad there are no hidden cameras in the galley
- Your non-aviation friends truly don't get the commuting part: "So you have to fly when and your trip starts where??"
- YES, "Remain seated for the duration of our flight" DOES mean YOU
- You can't figure out why your manager is not held accountable for the same things you are
- Your jumpseat partner knows more about you than your spouse or life partner
- You have at least 6 items of your own you could add to this list
- You had a memory for each of these, and understood every one.
Share your flight crew jokes with us. Send e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org